ye110wbeard's Land of Silly Un-Official Funny Fridays Site: Wrecking the Classics

My Little Black Truck

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:37:26 GMT

Sung to "Little Deuce Coupe" - My deepest apologies to the Beach Boys

Ok. I had crappy day dealing with the clutch cable only to find out it was a snapped lever under the dash. (Cheap part, but a boneyeard hunt)

BUT!

I do try to bring some GOOD out of the Bad.

And THUS! To the world! I bring (Based up the Beach Boys Song "Little Deuce Coupe")

Little Black Truck
It don't roll anymore
Little Black Truck
It don't roll anymore

I've got a little beast that's in four wheel drive
Most days it won't start and it's barely alive
If I get out the driveway it's a miracle day
That clunky little thing is turnin' all my hair gray
Cuz it's my little black truck
It don't roll anymore
(My little black truck
It don't roll anymore)

It's a little black truck that don't turn or move
The radio doesn't work and it won't even groove
The floor fell right out, I've got a big flat tire
The only use it's got is to start up a fire.
Cuz it's my little black truck
It don't roll anymore
(My little black truck
It don't roll anymore)

The exhaust is dragging down with the sparks in the sky
The fenders fly right out, you would think it would fly
The roof flew right off down the highway now
Dangerous and deadly, it knocked out a cow

My friends won't sit beside me, it's a coffin on wheels
But for Fourty Seven Dollars, it was just one of those deals
Seatbelts they were extra, so was the door
If you gotta stop it now, put your feet through the floor

Cuz it's my little black truck
It don't roll anymore
(My little black truck
It don't roll anymore)

Voluntold - the Musical

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:28:17 GMT

Sung to Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody - My complete and utter apologies to Freddy Mercury and his estate.

The original tune was brilliant, I mean no insult to this amazing mammoth tune.

Voluntold - The Musical

Is this a nightmare
Within my reality
Trapped in the closet
A mob waiting to tear at me
Look under the door
Examine the floor and scream
I'm just some dumb guy, I just got Voluntold
Because I can't say no, not at all
Now I get to take the fall

No matter how I see it,
This is how it started
Today

Woke up, checked my mail today
Got a message from the boss
Seems he's totally at a loss
Would I, just mind to do
A shareholder meeting around a half past two
"Oh my God." I cried right out.
"I don't want to do his crap!
But if I don't do this thing he needs today,
there'll be Hell,
there'll be Hell,
There'll be Hell tomorrow morning."

No way, to turn him down
It's a Voluntold you see
That's as painful as can be

Run and hide if you wanna, won't help at all
Cuz they'll find you hiding down beside the hall
Mommy, Wahhhhhhh
Please don't let me die
It's two thirty now and I hear the tides of war

We see a tiny very shaky little man
Got bad news, got bad news, going to give it right to us
PowerPoint's a glowing, stocks they are a showing
They're a dropping, They're a dropping
They're a dropping, They're a dropping
They're a dropping to the ground! Must be wrong!
I'm just some poor guy stuck handing bad news
We're all just fuming about our portfolios
Tear him limbs apart, it's a catastrophe

I was just Voluntold, please just let me go
Assurance, Now, we want our money now, LET ME GO
Assurance, we want our money now, LET ME GO
Assurance, we want our money now, LET ME GO
We want our money now, LET ME GO
We want our money now, LET ME GO
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Where's an exit, where's an exit, Where's an exit, I look around
Prepare a noose, tie it right unto neck, today, today, today

Watch the chairs and the tables go up and fly
See the mob form before me as I cry
Save me! Please come up here and save me!
Look right to the left, I see a path outta here!

I write my wife a note
Simple and so sweet
Avoid a Voluntold, Voluntold will not set you free

Voluntold is not good.... RUN

My Laptop Gets Around

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 14:14:27 GMT

Sung to "I get Around" by the Beach Boys - PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!

Bits in () are the wife / girlfriend yelling in the background of the line. You'll get it.

Round round get around
She get's around
Yeah
Get around round round She get's around
We get around
Get around round round we get around
Ship her by ground
Weigh 'er by pound pound weigh her by pound
I got Teraflops
Terabyte bound bound Terabyte bound
My work it never stops

I'm never alone any day or night
My wife sees me with her it's an awful fright

My laptops loaded up with lots of VHD's
It's smoking and it's hot and ready to please

We got our sound
Digital sound sound Digital Sound
From town to town
Convention bound bound convention bound

I'm in another bed
Sleepin' in a bed sleepin' in bed
My wife sees my I'll be dead
He's gonna be dead now, he's gonna be dead
We get around
Get around round round
We get Get around round round oooo
Wah wa ooo (Are you at that convention again) - "in the background"
Wah wa ooo (You're with your laptop again aren't you?!)
Wah wa ooo (MARRY YOUR LAPTOP! *KLIK*)

At conventions my girl whips out her Hyper-V
I'm never embarrassed you can always see

I can never leave her out, she's as sweet as can be
She's my QuadCore hussy maxed out the sea

We get around
Get around round round we get around
Ship her by ground
Weigh 'er by pound pound weigh her by pound
I got Teraflops
Terabyte bound bound Terabyte bound
My work it never stops
Never been found found never been found
We get around
Round
Ni ni ni ni ni ni ni

Round round get around we get around
UGH
Round round get around we get around
Never been found found never been found
Wah wa ooo (I just hear her trashing in the background!)
Ship her by ground ground ship her by ground
Oooo ooo ooo (My mother warned me about guys like you)
Digital sound sound digital sound
Ahh ooo ooo (If I ever get my hands on that laptop!)
Convention bound bound convention bound
Ahh ooo ooo (I'll strangle that thing by it's floppy)
We get around round round we get around
Ahh ooo ooo (You'll be speaking to my lawyer!)

Long Road to Redmond

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 01:12:28 GMT

Sung along to Long Road to Ruin - by the Foo Fighters. Excellent song AND album. BUY IT!

My apologies to BOTH Microsoft and the Foo Fighters for my HORRID lyrical skills.

I know. "Don't quit your day job... :) "

Long Road to Redmond

There's a place that calls to me
I've heard it tops all the rest
One day I thought "Why Not?"
Soon I began to set the pace.
Circum Vae's were loaded up
Launched for all those jobs you see
No way, no how, for sure
Giving up would be for the insane

Maybe this time will
Hear them call me up and pull me out
Bill Gates please save me now
I'm living in Hell, I cannot wait!

Long Road to Redmond, not givin' up
Until I see the lights
Of Seattle and her starry nights.

Let's say we take a chance
On this poor geek trapped out of States
Get here and shut him up
Fly him up to meet that Mr. Gates

A challenge to not back down.
But stubborness is my trait
Straight through the mire I'll go
Microsoft will be my fate

My hopeless reason
You'll see quite soon once you fly me up
Microsoft is my goal you see
No other job will do it for me!

Long road to Redmond no end in sight
Can't wait to get that flight
No retiring my desiring

Long Road to Redmond, not givin' up
Until I see the lights
Of Seattle and her starry nights.

Each interview that came and fell
Another came within it's place.
This vision has taken it's form
No giving up, Not this far in.

Hey now, let me pay my dues
Heck I'll even buff Steve B's shoes
I'll work for you so cheap
Scrubs floors all night taking no sleep

Long road to Redmond no end in sight
Can't wait to get that flight
No retiring my desiring

Long Road to Redmond, not givin' up
Until I see the lights
Of Seattle and her starry nights.

Encoding!

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 04:44:11 GMT

Use the "Rawhide" theme song as the music. Sing or grumble or do this while drunk.

Your choice

Encoding!

Encoding, coding, coding
The time it is forboding
Keep that video rolling, ENCODE!
Don't follow that silly Rickster
or Christian that nasty Trickster
on Twitter for time is rolling on high
Those Quadcores are a moving
Their might it is a proving,
proving that the price was right!

Code it up, Dump it out
Save it now, Back it up
Do it now, do it fast, ENCODE!
Burn your disk, right away
Dupe it up, stop your play
Move it out, to that disk, ENCODE!

Get going going going
The event it needs a showing
Those demos need a prepping, ENCODE!
Just get yer ass a moving
There's no time to be proving
yourself on Rockband now, ENCODE!
Get prepped and pruned and Ready
No time to go to Beddy
STOP READING THIS SONG NOW ENCODE!

Code it up, Dump it out
Save it now, Back it up
Do it now, do it fast, ENCODE!
Burn your disk, right away
Dupe it up, stop your play
Move it out, to that disk, ENCODE!

ENCODE!
ENCODE!

Coding up 'til Midnight

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 04:41:46 GMT

Sing this to "Living After Midnight" - Judas Priest. I can't sing. I can barely write... :)

Coding up 'til midnight, debugging 'til the dawn
Released in the morning, and it runs, watch it run

Each night I develop an app, CODING! CODING!
Almost dozed off boss gave me a slap, CODING! CODING!
I'll code in C Sharp and VBA too
Even in COBOL just for you!

Coding up 'til midnight, debugging 'til the dawn
Released in the morning, and it runs, watch it run

Got shells and scripts and libraries too, CODING! CODING!
Resources keeping my brain unglued, CODING! CODING!
My keyboard blew late last week
From overuse, I'm such a FREAK!

Coding up 'til midnight, debugging 'til the dawn
Released in the morning, and it runs, watch it run

I'm coding for ya
I'll Speak Octal for ya
I'm doin' Pascal
Singin my song!

I went off the deep end now, CODING! CODING!
Machine coding for fun and how, CODING! CODING!
Can't hear from any old friend
Binary talk and I'm at the end.

Coding up 'til midnight, debugging 'til the dawn
Released in the morning, and it runs, watch it run
Coding up 'til midnight, debugging 'til the dawn
Released in the morning, and it runs, watch it run

Too much time on my Hands - Yep you guessed it

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 20:04:22 GMT

Styx - Too much time on my hands - That's the tune. Enjoy or curse it. It's all ye110wbeard's fault... :)

Well I'm sittin' at this laptop, blogging my blogspot
My fingers are so bruised and so achin'
I'm applying to Bill G, so many jobs to fill me
My brain is screamin' for wakin'
Do you wonder if I'm not crazy? Do you wonder what I did with my brain?
Well I twitter like a madman, no ideas in the trashcan and posting them online
Some days nobody sees its and nobody read it and for me that is so fine
Do you wonder if I burned my up CPU?
Do you wonder if my keyboard held out?
Do you wonder if I've got

Too much time on my hands, I'm blogging away every night and all day
I've got too much time on my hands, Hit JibJam and now your face is my play
I've got too much time on my hands and Twittering time. Twittering time today
Too much time on my hands, too much time on my hands
Too much time on my hands

Well, I'm a geek you will see - Those gadgets just get me
And get my brain flying
I had dozens of friends but the roasts didn't end
And now I'm sittin' here frying
Is it any wonder I don't work at Microsoft?
(he is just ye110wbeard)
Is it any wonder I'm ported to NULL?
Is it any wonder I've got

Microsoft - Composed by "ye110wbeard the Friday Funny Guy"

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 04:36:42 GMT

Sung to the tune "Innocense" Harlequin. Download the MP3 today... or else... ;)

One day Bill G got up and
Talked to Steve B and Paul A
Got a hot idea now
Basic on Altair! OK!

Then soon they're walkin' into
The halls of IBM you know
Quiet and calm they walked on in
Winds of change about to blow

Microsoft (Ooooooooo)
Microsoft (Whoooooooo)
Microsoft (Oooooooooo)
Microsoft (Whoooooooooooo)
You always said DO IT!
When others said SCREW IT!

When they saw "Bob" they laughed
Said it would be the end of you
Now that you have gone and lasted
Bet you're glad they weren't true

They thought Bill G was Satan
Accused him of owning souls
Proved them wrong with his great deeds
Bill Melinda
Help them all

Microsoft (Ooooooooo)
Microsoft (Whoooooooo)
Microsoft (Oooooooooo)
Microsoft (Whoooooooooooo)
You always help Needy
You can't be called Greedy!

Microsoft, it's the place I always dream of
Microsoft, it's the place I wanna be
Microsoft, it's a place of hope and wonder yeah
It's a place for you and me
Microsoft, it's the place I always dream of
Microsoft, it's the place I wanna be
Microsoft, it's a place of hope and wonder yeah
It's a place for you and me
(Big solo!)

If you should be so lucky
To meet those happy geeks in there
They are the best and brighest
Thoughts go flying in the air

Microsoft, it's the place I always dream of
Microsoft, it's the place I wanna be
Microsoft, it's a place of hope and wonder yeah
It's a place for you and me
So every girl and guy
Push your skills up to sky
Hire me now before I die!
MICROSOFT

Makin' Do With Linux

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 03:25:58 GMT

Please note. This is all TONGUE IN CHEEK! No fair picking on a silly person with a silly song...

Sung along to BTO's "Takin' Care Of Business"

Makin' do with Linux

We get up ever morning
to a UPS warning
restore it from a backup tape
The boss is gonna yell
as it all goes straight to Hell
As I try to find myself an escape

If you get it Right away
you might get to work today
Start reloading apps and get them up quick
If we only thought ahead
We wouldn't be so very dead
then I wouldn't be so freaking sick

Cuz we've been
Makin' do with Linux
We're so CHEAP
Makin' do with Linux
We don't sleep
We've Been Makin' do with Linux
What a fight!
Makin' do with Linux
It's crashin' overnight
DOWNTIME!

Software for you and me
Downloaded all for free
Support online oh what a blast
Get a cheapo pc now
and the boss won't have a cow
Finance problems all in the past

Installing was so fun
When we weren't under the gun
And then we had that dreadful day
A simple system bug
My admin needs a hug
The cost for support we had to pay

Cuz we've been
Makin' do with Linux
Smell the room
Makin' do with Linux
Reeks of Doom
We've Been Makin' do with Linux
No more play!
Makin' do with Linux
Reinstalling every day!
DRINK UP!

Pray for my Linux
When I sleep
Every night!

They get up ever morning to a Battery Backup warning
Restore it from that backup tape
That boss is gonna yell as it all goes straight to Hell
As they try to find themselves an escape
And if they get it right away they might get to work today
As they restore their apps and get them up quick
If they only thought ahead they wouldn't be so very dead
And they wouldn't be so bloody sick.

We get up ever morning
to a UPS warning
restore it from a backup tape
The boss is gonna yell
as it all goes straight to Hell
As I try to find myself an escape

If you get it Right away
you might get to work today
Start reloading apps and get them up quick
If we only thought ahead
We wouldn't be so very dead
then I wouldn't be so freaking sick

Cuz we've been
Makin' do with Linux
We're so CHEAP
Makin' do with Linux
As we weep
We've Been Makin' do with Linux
What a fight!
Makin' do with Linux
It's crashin' overnight
Oh crap!

Makin' do with Linux
Makin' do with Linux
Makin' do with Linux
Makin' do with Linux
What a crash!
Makin' do with Linux
No more cash!
Makin' do with Linux
We're so tired!
Makin' do with Linux
Now we're fired!
Makin' do with Linux

Highway to PowersHell

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 01:36:45 GMT

Highway to PowersHell

(Sing it along to 'Highway to Hell' by AC/DC)

It's so easy, and it's free
Download it now it'll take no time
Get it in, use it now
For to not would be such a crime
Shell of Power, Pipes of Dreams
Kiss your last wasted minutes away
Party now, let's get down
I can't wait to start this day

I'm using Pow-ow-er-shell
Pow-ow-er-shell
Cruisin' with Pow-ow-er-shell
Pow-ow-er-shell

No Batch Files, Wasted minutes
So much power I've to abuse
Using Get, Add it in
Clear data and Out it to you
Hey Billy, Stevie B,
Too much time on my hands
Done my work, 'fore I started
I won't ever use those other brands

I'm using Pow-ow-er-shell
Pow-ow-er-shell
Microsoft Pow-ow-er-shell
Pow-ow-er-shell

Don't End Task!

(Insane yelling sequence somewhat akin to a bunch of nerds loaded up on Rockstar and losing a 20 minute round on the Guitar Hero series)

I'm using Pow-ow-er-shell
Pow-ow-er-shell
Windows Pow-ow-er-shell
Pow-ow-er-shell

No systems goin' down........
On my waaaaaaaaaaatch.

I'm usin' Pow-ow-er-shell.

*KLUNK*

Ye110wbeard is online right now

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 00:39:24 GMT

"Ye110wbeard is Online Right Now"
(a little late but along to Santa claus is coming to town)

You better not pout,
You better not yell,
Your data plan's gonna
be going to Hell

Ye110wbeard is online right now

He blogs when you are sleeping
And twitters all day long
He won't stop typing day or night
You see that's why he wrote this song.

So shut your phone off
and your laptop too
All those updates
Going straight to you

Ye110wbeard is online right now

So you think you're a Guitar Hero now

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 02:40:23 GMT

My greatest apologies to "the Byrds" and "So you think you're a Rock and Roll Star"

So you think you're a Guitar Hero now?
So isten now and learn to play
Just plug in that controller right now
and play it now and play it all day

And as you flow in time
You hear the words play out
and play along with that rhyme

And then you blow away Slash
With your licks so slick, you will beat him quick,
Then you battle that Devil Lou
Let those frets burn clean, it's a Rock and Roll scene

And in a day or two
Van Halen calls you out
the Girls will scream and shout

The price you paid for that video game
Did you pawn your first child, did it make you go wild?
Haven't you beaten everybody on "Live"
You sold your car, to be Rock and Roll star.

Duh, duh, duh.....

Slipping and a Sliding in the Snow

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 11:44:55 GMT

Sung to "Winter Wonderland"

People bruised, sidewalks shaking,
Fingers hurt, tempers baking,
We stumble along
while singing this song
Slipping and a sliding in the snow

Cars are spinning, and they're smashing,
Lots of metal, things are crashing,
They're flying around
Surfing the ground
Slipping and a sliding in the snow

Down the sidewalk there's a pile of people
Who did a triple flip right on their backs
They hit that ice and flew up like a missile
and landed hard and made some nasty cracks

Later on, in that mire
I try to change my tire
My car is sliding away
Oh what a day
Slipping and sliding in the snow

The cat is frozen, the dog can't pee at all
They're trapped inside a giant icy wall
What to do about this silly thing?
I'll wait til they thaw out in the spring

Ten foot high snowdrift piles
It goes on and on for miles
I opened my door
I can't see any more
Cursing and a Swearing at the Snow

I Saw Bill Gates Dressing Santa Claus

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 01:44:30 GMT

ABSOLUTELY NO OFFENSE MEANT TO MR. GATES! Really! Truly!

Original tune "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"

I saw Bill Gates dressing Santa Claus
Underneath the Server Rack last night
He didn't see me there
in my purple underwear
He thought that I had gone home
to my place without a care

Then I saw Bill Gates pat old Santa Claus
On his butt so jolly round and firm

Oh it was not what I thought I'd seen
'Twas a mannequin in red and green
Not him dressing Santa Claus that night

Stop the snow

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 01:15:17 GMT

For those of you “really love the snowy Ontario roads”

From the original “Let it Snow” tune by Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne

Stop the snow

A blizzard outside is blowing
And my car is hardly going
Oh God please just let me go
Stop the snow, Stop the snow, Stop the snow

It doesn't seem to be ending
And this stupid road is bending
And my anger is starting to grow
Stop the snow, Stop the snow, Stop the snow

When I finally start to brake
That little car it swerves and it spins
It just aims straight for the lake
and soon I start seeing fins

Well I'm frozen and cold and wet
And I'm sure that you won't bet
That I won't want to go
In the snow, in the snow, in the snow.

Server Hells

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 00:37:54 GMT

Rushing down the hall,
A Mom alert calls me
Live Comm screams out help
I really to to pee
Panic cries to all
the lights flash in the night
Oh what a scary thing
as I bolt on down that flight

Warning Bells, Funny Smells
Sparking in the Room
Server's on fire
Straights are dire
And we seem to see our doom
Warning Bells, Funny Smells
Sparking in the Room
Around the bend, I see my end
And problems in the gloom

The backup didn't run,
The room it had no light

And soon the sparks flew out
Ruining my sight
I thought I'd use the Force
to make it all work well
but Murphy and his rotten laws
Had shot it all to Hell

AGAIN!

AIGH!

Slushie the Snowman

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 00:21:51 GMT

Slushie the snowman
Was a giddy funny guy
With a cheap old hat upon his head
and single button eye

Slushie the snowman
Was a bad old dream they say
Had a patch on one side to be his guide
As he staggered out that day

There must have been some magic
in that eye patch that they found
for when they put it on his head
He said "Arrr hit the ground"

Slushie the Snowman
Got a sunburn bad it's true
So he tried to run
but with no feet
he was stuck to there like glue.

Hop down the sidewalk
He scared the kids away
With a dripping face
his scary race
had them run right off that day

He oozed right down the road that day
right to a police stop
He paused to produce his id Quick
before he heard that SHOT

Slushie the snowman
Oozed away like a pile of slime
But soon he said
before he fled
I'll see you all next time

Drippety drip drip
Drippety drip drip
Look at Slushie Flow
Drippety drip drip
Drippety drip drip
Into the yellow snow

Rudolph the BarbeQued Reindeer

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 22:43:36 GMT

You know Garlic and Caymen and Spicy and Honey
Chewy and Crunchy and stuff that tastes funny
But do you recall
the most flavoured Reindeer of all?

Rudolph the Barbequed Reindeer
Covered in a Honey Glaze
He got cooked up by Santa
Cuz he'd had himself some better days

All of the other reindeer
Watched him roll upon the spit
The licked their lips and they watched
They didn't seem to mind a bit

They one hungry Christmas Eve
Santa was so late
Rudolph so glazed and crunchy now
Won't you come on and fill my plate?

Then how the reindeer loved him
as they revelled in that tasty smell
Rudolph the Barbequed Reindeer
You'll go down really well

Oh Christmas Tree - Better version

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 16:44:47 GMT

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree
Garland and tinsel on you now
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree
They hang upon your every bough

Shiny spaghetti for a cat
Cannot be beat and that is that
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree
Cat hairballs are shining under thee

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree
Each branch it has a shiny ball
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree
It shines within our mighty hall

Those shiny bits, those crunchy sounds
It looks like the cat, has made more rounds
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree
Our cats are not so bright you see

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
Your lights they shine so brightly
Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
We guard and watch thee nightly

We watch thee oh so carefully
Because our cats chew on LEDS
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree
Our cats now glow electrically

The Waking

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 12:42:50 GMT

(Full Credit to Tom Petty and the HeartBreakers for "The Waiting" from "Full Moon Fever"

Oh baby can't get out of bed right now
Why I can't even feel my feet
Oh I've felt quite as numb as this
Oh it feels like I might never move again
My brain says yes but my body says no
That's what I get for working all night long
I yelled OW OW

Chorus
The waking is the hardest part
Every move feels like movin' a yard
You drag across the floor, and right out to the car
The waking is the hardest part.

Well I just worked a couple days too long
Well maybe four or five
I thought I was going to get a little more sleep
But the network kept a crashin' all night long
Please let me find some snooze in that closet over there
I wanna go to bed but I can't right now
I yelled Hey now

Chorus
The waking is the hardest part
Every move feels like movin' a yard
You drag across the floor, and right out to the car
The waking is the hardest part.

Oh my feet are killin' me,
My brain it feels like lead
My tongue tastes like sandpaper, I feel I'm mostly dead
Give me some Rock Star, Or some espresso
Get me going now.

Chorus
The waking is the hardest part
Every move feels like movin' a yard
You drag across the floor, and right out to the car
The waking is the hardest part.

Blame it On the Mame

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 22:16:42 GMT

Milli Vanilli did this first. (Blame it on the Rain) I can't take credit for the rhyme or the music.

You said you wanted Pacman
You cried to the sky
You sacrificed your Xeon
Your high score wasn't high
Now you wished you played Space Invaders
On your Pentium Two
You tried to play Donkey Kong
But you lost the damn ROMs

Gotta blame it something
Cuz it's just not not your fault
Blame it on that MAME emulator
Blame it those games you played at night
Whenver you feel bad, for the lack of sleep you had,
Blame it on that MAME emulator
Blame it that thing...

Should have kissed your poor girlfriend
Could have taken a break
But oh you almost did it
Almost hit Dig Dug's End
Just a few more minutes
And you've had beaten Dig Dug 2
You thought a few more minutes
And you'd be the king of it all

Gotta blame it something
throw the blame on something
Blame it on that MAME emulator
Blame it those games you played at night
Whatever you think
Don't forget you mostly stink
From that MAME emulator
Too damn many games
I just went insane
But my Mom don't care
Gotta blame it one something

Blame it on that MAME emulator
Blame it those games you played at night
Whenver you feel bad, for the lack of sleep you had,
Blame it on that MAME emulator
You can just blame it that MAME

Blame it on that MAME emulator
Blame it on that MAME emulator
Blame it on that MAME emulator
Blame it on that MAME emulator
Blame it on that MAME emulator
Whatever you did
You aren't Ms. Pacman's Kid
Blame it on that MAME emulator
Gotta blame on something
Cus it just needs to have a reason

Blame it on that MAME emulator
Blame it on that MAME emulator

Little Song about CanITPros

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 03:29:50 GMT

Sorry John Melloncamp (“Don’t call him Cougar!”) – Jack and Diane

Little song, 'bout Rick and Damir
Two 'puter guys drinkin' a whole lotta beer
Ricky gonna get himself a pimped out phone
Damir watchin' him hit that thing with a stone

Sittin' on a stage at big release fair
Rodney jumpin' up got his hands in the air
Ricky say hey "Check out that dude with the flamin' pair
Call him on over here, let him sit upon my mighty chair"

Say uh huh, the dude's got skill
Microsoft wants him, he seems to fit the bill
Say uh huh, the dude's got skill
Microsoft wants him, he seems to fit the bill. (He joined up)

Ricky sits back, watches old Brucey walk in,
"If we don't hire this bastard, could be a big sin"
Well then Mr. Buike joins up with dem crazy old geeks
Rodney says "Holy crap! I got scooped by these freaks!"
Ricky say,

Yeah uh huh, he's cool shoes
Can't see to get him to get the blues
Yeah uh huh, he's cool shoes
Can't see to get him to get the blues

Barnaby joins in, and Ruthy as well,
Johnny is there with Kerri in the knell,
Gonna get those nerds going with technology
In the Great White North they'll go set them all free

Oh yeah, they're on the loose
Rolling out events and scaring off moose
Oh yeah, they're on the loose
Rolling out events and scaring off moose

Little song about CanItPro
No Addams family song, it's just got to go

My Replication

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 02:32:50 GMT

Sorry to Mr. Townsend and Mr. Daltry of the Who. Their version was WAAAAAY better.

Sql servers going d-down (Talkin' 'bout my replication)
Data's droppin' on the ground (Talkin' 'bout my replication)
Stripe set in there's gettin' old (Talkin' 'bout my replication)
Stupid tech was pretty bold (Talkin' 'bout my replication)

I need my replication
I need my replication dummy

I think I'm gonna ph-phreak out (Talkin' 'bout my replication)
My b-boss caught me cheapin a-a-away (Talkin' 'bout my replication)
Trying to avoid file, re-re-recreation (Talkin' 'bout my replication)
I'm just tryin' to setup re-re-replication (Talkin' 'bout my replication)

Gimme replication
Gimme replication or shoot me

My email systems goin' down (Talkin' 'bout my replication)
A little more uptime's all I n-n-need (Talkin' 'bout my replication)
Mail queues can't handle this log g-g-generation (Talkin' 'bout my replication)
I need to enable my re-re-replication (Talkin' 'bout my replication)

That damn replication
That damn replication could save me

The IIS and AD are blown away (Talkin' 'bout my replication)
Mirror them, dupe them, save my day (Talkin' 'bout my replication)
My boss looks at me so c-c-cold (Talkin' 'bout my replication)
I think the company will probably fold (Talkin' 'bout my replication)

I should've used replication
I didn't and now I fired.

For Exchange Gurus - All you need is RUS

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 15:56:42 GMT

From the Beatles tune. "All you need is love" - I'm so sorry about this!

For Exchange weenies - REALLY overly done Exchange weenies. "All you need is RUS"

Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail
You need to see what is or isn't done
Nothing should be seen if you're number one
Exchange Enterprise seems all out of sort
It's easy

Mail's just not flowing when it should
SMTP's are where they shouldn't be
It seems all out of sorts but the problems simple to kill
So easy

All you need is RUS, All you need is RUS
All you need is RUS, RUS, RUS is all you need.
Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail
All you need is RUS, All you need is RUS
All you need is RUS, RUS, RUS is all you need.

Replication seems all out of whack
Something says to take another crack
Crank up monitoring in those nasty event logs
Makes you queasy

All you need is RUS, All you need is RUS
All you need is RUS, RUS, RUS is all you need.
All you need is RUS (Get some Coffee now!)
All you need is RUS (THE SA's down!)
All you need is RUS, RUS, RUS is all you need

Broadband time

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 00:36:56 GMT

With horrendous apologies to the Tragically hip and their song “Road Apples”

I bring thee “Broadband time”

You'll need a manual to sort it all out
So many forums you'll twist and shout
Text only but what a new land
Join us all as throw up our hands

Six bucks and hour for data
and 300 baud for speed
Compuserve, Compuserve, Compuserve is here

the new days of Shockwave are here
Dial away and the data comes clear
So much to do and no time to waste
Fun is here is let us quickly go haste

Flat rates no costs per hour
and 14.4k for speed
Internet, internet, internet is here

I'm on Quakeworld all the time
Downloading bots is no crime
Usenet right down the line
I can't stop to go pee

I say "Bump up my speed
56k that's what I need
No more of this crappy stuff
Give me that higher flow

The time is right to be done
Cable's good, price is all fun
One meg should be all I need
This unbearable need for speed

Sixty Bucks a month for data
Freaking megabit for speed
Broadband time, broadband time, broadband time is here

Haven't slept in three months, it's all their fault
Too much porn to ignore, it's all at their fault
I'm out of space on my drive, it's all their fault
FBI's at my door, it's all their fault

Oh no turn you Napster off
Those MP3s get in trouble now
Ohh baby, Zap your CD's now
The feds are going to bust you good

I am Caffeinated

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 10:40:21 GMT

With HUGE apologies to the Ramones and "I Wanna Be Sedated"

"I'm gonna be Caffeinated"

Twenty-twenty-twenty more coffees to go, I am caffeinated
The server has crashed, I need to stay up, I am caffeinated
Just drop me on the rack, with Timmies from a friend
Pour about a gallon, drive me round the bend
My body is a shaking, this might just be the end
Oh Whoa Oh Whoa Oh Whoa!

Twenty-twenty-twenty more coffees to go, I am caffeinated
The network is down, No sleep for me now, I am caffeinated
The client is a screaming, he's a bloody pain
Get him outta here before I go insane
My fingers are a shaking, so's my freaking brain
Oh Whoa Oh Whoa Oh Whoa!

Twenty-twenty-twenty more coffees to go, I am caffeinated
They want their mail now, I'm not allowed home, I am caffeinated
Just roll me a in a wheelchair, I can't stand on my feet
I'll take a double double, my body is so beat
My fingers fell right off, my mouth takes just like peat
Oh Whoa Oh Whoa Oh Whoa!

Twenty-twenty-twenty more coffees to go, I am caffeinated
My eyes are bloodshot and can't walk at all, I am caffeinated
I'll take it in a cup, I'll take in a glass
Pour it in me now, I'm laying on my ass
Sorry for the lyrics, the words were rather crass
Oh Whoa Oh Whoa Oh Whoa!

Type-type-typea Type-type-typea, I am caffeinated
Type-type-typea Type-type-typea, I am caffeinated
Type-type-typea Type-type-typea, I am caffeinated
Type-type-typea Type-type-typea, I am caffeinated

Too Much WORK

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 13:04:34 GMT

Just remember the tune "!5 men on a dead man's chest"

8 whole days I've been workin' in a row
One single beer, I just wanna go
A little sleep would do me a bit of good
One hot dinner and some very tasty food

15 days I've been workin' in a row
I can't feel my legs, and I think I've lost a toe
My fingers feel so numb that I cannot even type
I can't use my bankcard, I don't have the strength to swipe

22 days I've been working in a row
The world spins about, everything is going slow
I think that piece of burger is talkin' straight to me
He's sayin' that to avoid the evil oak tree

39 days I've been workin' in a row
The aliens have come, to take me to show
The elves and leprachauns, are dancing all about
If they don't stop it, I think I'm gonng shout

90 days I've been workin' in a row
I now have mental powers, I just watch and make things grow
I can float about, and use telepathy
Just ask the nice white men, the ones that hauled off me.

Murphy's LAN

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 03:36:53 GMT

Beginning part - to "Gilligan's Isle" - Sing along to it if you can find the WAV or MP3 somewhere

Just sit right down to hear a tale Of a fateful server crash

No backup tapes or redundancy the client had no cash

The Admin was a mighty hacking man Who feared no thing at all

Five problems came out to play that day The Network was about to fall

It was about to fall

The Viruses came out to play and left them crying all the while

With the mail server down No internet too

A Power Surge in the pile Three crashed hard drives

They're screwed and blue and now tattooed

Here in Murphy's LAN

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Final song

So this is the tale of our dumb admin He'll be busy for a long long time

Data Recovery is a Slow process And expensive at the best.

The Admin and his client too will make offerings to the gods

to bring this network back online what a bunch of stupid clods

No server, No files, No internet, It's a useless bloody mess

Like a two year old with a Ferrari, they're as useless as can be

So watch these twits try to clean it up

Yiou're sure to get a smile

From the lack of common sense and brains

Here in Murphy's LAN

SQL Man

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 19:07:23 GMT

Sung to the "Spiderman" theme song ala '60's cartoon show'

SQL man, SQL man,
Protects the data however he can,
Mirrors it all for redundancy,
Servers flip over so easily,
Look Out!
Here comes the SQL Man.

Is he smart?
Listen dude,
He eats scripts For his food.
Data crashes cannot be.
He's got Raid 10 redundancy
Whoa now
There goes the SQL man

When the indexes go
in the middle of the night
He can rebuild them all
Right at the speed of light

SQL man, SQL man
Spreads data throughout the land
Defrags tables When he's bored
Stability is his reward.
For him, data is not allowed to hang up
Whenever that table's not up
You'll find the SQL man!

Sung for complete idiots

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 11:01:22 GMT

This is sung to the theme song of the Coyote Roadrunner show. Google it. You'll find it.

And of course anybody CAUGHT doing this antics are definitely potential Darwin Award winners

CHERRY PICKER

If you're on a cherry picker and you hear it go "Creak Creak"

No sound is scarier on any day of the week

You were on top of their dancing just like a clown

Soon you'll be tumbling and falling and crashin' down

Cherry Picker

It'll do a tall and scary height

Cherry Picker

That moth will make your face go white

Playin' Tarzan way up from fourty feet

No other fun you thought could be every beat

Then that giant metal beast started swayin' away

Guess that's the end of an otherwise enjoyable day

Cherry Picker

Dancing jigs on it ain't cool

Cherry Picker

Go right back to safety school

The Users

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 23:13:44 GMT

Mumbled along incorherently to "The Trees" by that Great Canadian Rock Group "Rush" ... "eh?"

There's no trouble with the servers
There's no problems with the ram
But the users want more drive space
And the Admin says they can't

The trouble with the users
They like to whine and fight
Their Admin is such a weenie
He won't let us turn on lights

But the Admin can't hear their screamin'
For he's playin' Halo two
And the users and their whining
Will not get him unglued

There is trouble in the office
And managers have come out
For the users have started marching
to take on that thrifty lout.

------------------

BIGGEST MOTHER SOLO ON THE PLANET

------------------

So the users called their union
and Asked about their rights
Union said their computers
were down that very night

So there's no more user questions
They went and cried against the wall
And the admin hits the high score
and laughs out to the hall.

.94b SUCKS!

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 22:40:20 GMT

Written for a certain bunch of troublemakers who decided to actually take up the offer of looking at the blog. Shame on you guys and for putting ideas in my head.

Tune is "Bark at the Moon - Ozzy 'Sharon those kids are at it again' Osborne.

Clients are screaming

Calling in the dark of night

Websites are crashing

I fire up all the lights

Then when I look and see what is up

Bugs fly out just like bullets.

Bugzilla sucks!

Working so smoothly

Commerce going all so well

Hits to the site were flowin'

I could not predict the Hell

An upgrade, "Well what a good idea!

One little letter can't be bad!"

Boy was I wrong!

Oh crap wrong wrong wrong wrong

Try rollin' it back to 94a

No option to do that at all

ARGH

I'm trapped in Hell with those dependencies!

And the kernel won't work with me. Oh no!

Compile time!

---- heavy evil solo ---- just like certain unfriendly updates ----

Screamed at the coders

Woke them in the dead of night

Pulled out the answers

Time to undo this fright

Then when I started those daemons up

Clients finally stopped their yelling.

Now I go home.

No more updates.

I'm goin' home

Screw this crap

I'm going home.

I need a beer

I'm going home.

AIIIIGHGIHAGIHAGIHAGIHAGIHAGIHG!!!!!

--- Another nasty evil guitar

AN IT PRO

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 00:55:22 GMT

Sing it to AC/DC's TNT

Mmm HACK WHACK HACK WHACK HACK WHACK

See me ride up in my Prius.
Pretty color green
Loaded up all pure brains
I take in the scene

Problems to the left of me
and nightmares to the right
I blink and quickly they go away
Through the night

Cuz I am an IT Pro
I eat Dynamite
An IT PRO
Bugs in my site
An IT Pro
Watch them hackers pray
An IT Pro
I blow them away!

I'm dirty, I'm nasty
I can smell real bad
I work all night long
I knock out your problems
without a sound
(but maybe a song)
Lock up your passwords
Lock up your food
Lock up the Jolt
Run away from this dude
Your server has gone and crashed
Here's your Superman.

Cuz I a m an IT Pro
I eat Dynamite
An IT PRO
Bugs in my site
An IT Pro
Watch them hackers pray
An IT Pro
I blow them away!

Big big big big big big ---- SOLO!!!

An IT PRO

HACk HACk HACK

An IT PRO

CHOP CHOP CHOP

An IT PRO

HACk HACk HACK

An IT PRO

URP URP URP

AN IT PRO

I eat Dynamite

HACk HACk HACK

Bugs in my site

CHOP CHOP CHOP

Watch them hackers pray

URP URP URP

I blow them away!

Wildly exploding guitar and strong smell of OZONE... *POP*

Xbox360

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 22:23:51 GMT

Sung to "Flavour of the Week - American Hifi" - cheap at the local online music store "eh?"

My gamebox broke, I'm so damn bored, I'm countin spots upon the wall.
I played it long, for 12 months straight, Can't wait to play again.
I've been at ebGames all day long, up and down that wall so tall, I've that VISA card out now

Atari, Nintendo, Sega and Playstation 2.
I've owned them and used them, I'm runnin' out the door to get
an XBOX 360 right now.

I've set it up, the cables linked. I've got wifi through the room.
The games they rock, I'm buyin' stock, cuz I can't stop the sonic boom.
The sound it shakes apart the floor, and all my friends they want to play, they're lined up right

outside my door.

Vic-20 and Tandy. Apple and Coleco too.
I've had them and used them I played them until they blew apart
I bought an Xbox 360.

--- cool scary solo time ---

My XBOX 360, it smokes the house away

It's so cool

I just drool

I can't fool

I missed school

My XBOX 360, theres goes the power bill

No lights on

No power

But at least I can proudly say.

I own an XBOX360.

Yeah an XBOX360

There go the lights....

Blogzilla

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 12:20:52 GMT

Sing along to Blue Oyster Cult's Godzilla - Available on certain music sites for .99cents)

With a purposeful thought and a terrible rhyme
He roasts Microsoft such a a terrible crime

Staff running away, he's come out to play
The madman is loose he'll start typing away

He picks up some thoughts then throws them back down
As he wades through the halls of that virtualized town

Oh no! He's Roasted CANITPRO!

Go go BLOGZILLA Yeah

Hey hey! He's scared poor Bruce away.

Go go BLOGZILLA Yeah

No more coffee for him right now!

Go go BLOGZILLA

Hey hey! Jolts on special now!

Go go BLOGZILLA

-----

BIG reallY COOL solo

-----

Oh no! Hide your blogs away.

Go go BLOGZILLA Yeah

Hey hey! Children run today

Go go BLOGZILLA Yeah

Rodney's shoes and Ricks's funny Hat
Have been roasted bad and that is that
BLOGZILLA

Look out Damir he'll find a way
To roast you good start running today
BLOGZILLA

Look away right now, his thoughts are loose
If he sees you there he'll cook your goose
BLOGZILLA

History shows again and again
Persistence will always win in the end
BLOGZILLA