Nope You were expecting this to be a funny.

Nope.

Just me sitting in my sitting down in my little dungeon like my pants are on fire.

No wait. They were. Take note not to keep a bunch of batteries in your pocket with your spare change. Hmmm...

I'm just sitting here up early on a Saturday because I can't get to sleep.

It's only TWO WEEKS AWAY! Two weeks! ENERGIZE IT 2008!

HA HA! HOO HOO! The King of Kings of Days for Computer People!

I'm just itching to see what's happening this year! It was a giant Cornucopia of technology and vendors last year.

Free training sessions on technology were there too! (And Popcorn, there was Popcorn too!)

Yes it was a giant Computer Fair in every sense of the word. There's no reason to think this year will be any less.

And this year is no different.  Ok I lied it is.  It's so incredibly over the TOP better!   Just as much if not more to do, and SO MUCH INPUT for the brain.

I won't go into the details of what Energize IT did to me last year other let's just say I'm on the Frontbridge list of potential UCE's... :)

The online videos you have seen folks are just my very amateurish way of saying "I am Inspired". I am not a video photographer (as you can tell), nor am I able mix on any level (DUH!). But ENERGIZE IT has me so over the top excited I just want to YELL and SCREAM to the world "GO THERE! CHECK IT OUT!"

If a single event could do that to an ordinary guy like me, what could it do to you?

If you see a fat computer guy wearing a Tilley Belt, possibly with a pirate bandana on his head with his face stuffed full of popcorn looking like his eyes are about to pop out wandering about with a camera and gear. That'll be me. Flag me down and say Hi.

After all Energize IT is at it's base level, a great place to run into somebody new and say "Hey ya Hi Ya Ho Ya Howaya"

Energize IT 2008.
May 24th 2008
Metro Toronto Congress Centre

Sean
Friday Funny Guy

I just thought this was cool to watch. The people behind the scenes of Microsoft Exchange

Some more of my {HEROES} ... :)

http://edge.technet.com/Media/Exchange-Server-meet-the-team/

Outside a coffee shop the message said.  Meet me outside the coffee shop.

A strange and mysterious message for "Mr. Trouble" to receive indeed.   What could this poor creature have to with a coffee shop.  Ever?

Quietly he wandered in and ordered his usual. 

"One Quadruple Espresso, triple beans, fifteen sugars and a Double Chocolate cookie."

It was almost dinner time so he was careful to not get too carried off.

Inside the shop was dense with people and traffic.   Almost nowhere to sit. 

Thus why the mysterious message said to sit outside.

And so quietly outside our poor mischief maker sat, sipping on his hyped up Espresso, teasing Pigeons with his giant Cookie.   Silly birds.

He sat.  No sign of anyone.  Nothing.

Until (don't you just hate that?  Those darn 'UNTILs'?)

A large black package was dropped before him.   That and a deeply muffled voice. 

"DON'T TURN AROUND.  Stair straight ahead as if this is completely normal.  Keep sipping your coffee."

Mr. Trouble understood dangerous deeply muffled voices were not safe to argue with.  So he complied. 

Cautiously slowly, a darkly hooded figure covered in a ratty baseball cap, sunglasses, and wearing a dark Trenchcoat draped in "Visual Studio 2008" logos sat before him.

Mr. Trouble went to look up out of instinct.

"Stare and the table if you know what's good for you." a finger coated in twenty years of abused typing on non-ergonomic keyboards pointed at him.

Mr. Trouble complied.  Scary beings should not be argued with.

"I have a mission for you.   You WILL comply with this 'Request'."

The figure opened the dark black pouch.  Inside could be smelled one thing.  Technology.

"You will film for us.   A war is forming in about three weeks at Microsoft.   Developers are at deeply entrenched battle against the IT Pros and other camps.   You will spy for US."

Suddenly Mr. Trouble realized he was in the presence of his worst nightmare.   That darkly covered figure.  It was... a ... ACK... ERP.... *CHOKE*... DEVELOPER!

"NO!" the little creature managed to erk out.   To betray friends to this creature?!  To give away it's very soul to help it win a battle? NEVER

"You will comply."  The dark cloaked figure simply stated.  "We know your secret."

Trouble was shaking now.  How could it know.  Nobody knew!

"If you do not comply we will find you "Run-Stop Restore" sequence you have been hiding and rewrite your hidden routine in the Tape Buffer.

NO!  How could they have known?!  Nobody else knew that Mr. Trouble was based upon ancient 65xx MOS Commodore technology. HOW?!

As if reading his mind, the developer revealed a small four pound book. "Working in 65xx machine code. Jim Butterfield."

Mr. Trouble was doomed.  This being KNEW 65xx processors and smelled it a mile away.

"So you will video tape the other camps.  ESPECIALLY those cursed IT Professionals.   We intend to win this war, and you WILL help us.   Welcome to the DEV team."

Trouble shuddered.  Cautiously he lifted the bag off the table.   As if to remind him, the cloaked figure dangled before him an old nemesis.

"Remember." It said dangling the Commodore Datasette communications cable. "We know how to erase your core.   Meet our demands, or we will downgrade you to the processing levels of ENIAC."

Slumping away, the little figure wandered off into the night.

Developers were scary indeed.

Ahhh thinking thoughts and mulling over ideas.

And occasionally devouring a book. But of course not in the literal sense.

That would be silly.

But what if it weren't? What if devouring a book or novel meant EXACTLY that?

Would bring a whole new meaning to going to the library THAT's for sure.

Just imagine these statements.

"How was that James Joyce?"

"Oh it was great but the wit was a bit dry in my mouth."

"What did you wash it down with?"

"I tried a little 'Moby Dick' but that left too much of a salty taste. Plus every hour I was spouting water out of my nose."

"Then I tried some Robert Heinlein. It was great but now I want to eat everything in sight and 'Grok' it"

"Have you considered romance novels?"

"I tried one once but it was too cheesy. Left me constipated for weeks. Almost as bad as a Wiliam Shatner performance. Mind you Ham and Cheese could go great together."

"What about a western?"

"No. I'm allergic to spaghetti."

"Boy you sure are fussy."

Thank goodness we don't live in a world like that, eh?

Sung to "Little Deuce Coupe" - My deepest apologies to the Beach Boys

Ok.  I had  crappy day dealing with the clutch cable only to find out it was a snapped lever under the dash.  (Cheap part, but a boneyeard hunt)

BUT!

I do try to bring some GOOD out of the Bad.

And THUS! To the world!  I bring (Based up the Beach Boys Song "Little Deuce Coupe")

Little Black Truck
It don't roll anymore
Little Black Truck
It don't roll anymore 

I've got a little beast that's in four wheel drive
Most days it won't start and it's barely alive
If I get out the driveway it's a miracle day
That clunky little thing is turnin' all my hair gray
Cuz it's my little black truck
It don't roll anymore
(My little black truck
It don't roll anymore)

It's a little black truck that don't turn or move
The radio doesn't work and it won't even groove
The floor fell right out, I've got a big flat tire
The only use it's got is to start up a fire.
Cuz it's my little black truck
It don't roll anymore
(My little black truck
It don't roll anymore)

The exhaust is dragging down with the sparks in the sky
The fenders fly right out, you would think it would fly
The roof flew right off down the highway now
Dangerous and deadly, it knocked out a cow

My friends won't sit beside me, it's a coffin on wheels
But for Fourty Seven Dollars, it was just one of those deals
Seatbelts they were extra, so was the door
If you gotta stop it now, put your feet through the floor

Cuz it's my little black truck
It don't roll anymore
(My little black truck
It don't roll anymore)

Sung to it's Beginning to look a lot like Christmas (inspired by Inpsired by SQL Man!)

We're just waiting to get ourselves all ENERGIZED!
The Greatest time of year.
The communities all a glow, for that Grand Canadian Show
the Developers and IT Pros are full of cheer

We're just waiting to get ourselves all ENERGIZED!
That one amazing day
It's a Saturday you see, no excuse for thee
to come out and play

Oh yes your brain will explode developing code
with thoughts popping in and out
And there's so much to learn, our thoughts they will churn
We want to just scream and shout

It's too bad it only happens once a year.....

We're just waiting to get ourselves all ENERGIZED!
Anything can be!
Bring your friends and your family, it's absolutely FREE!
It's a pure Canadian computer thing, come and see!

We're just waiting to get ourselves all ENERGIZED!
Sing it one and all!
Grab your laptops and smartphones too, hide your USBs from the glue
and we'll have a ball!

Curious?

www.energizeit.ca

Register now!

Energize IT 2008 - Anything is Possible!

Having done my fair share of long days and late nights (including midnight stints) I've discovered a huge problem.

Humans need sleep.

Not just a little either. For some reason that goes beyond comprehension, the goofy engineer behind our design dictated that approximately 40% of our day we must remain unconscious.

However upon rollout it was discovered that the human creature required time zones as high as 85% of that same 24 hour time period to complete the necessary daily tasks.

So to aid us in this issue, our design engineer rolled out the "NAP" hotfix.

"NAP" or Nocturnal Automated Powerups as they are known more correctly were released to the Global infrastructure to deal with this imbalance in design. For the most part it has worked out well. There are a few variants you should be aware of however when working in the field.

Their effective use will aid you.

The Catatonic or "Cat" NAP is usually experienced with the subject curled up in a ball on a couch knocked out for approximately 15 minutes although this number can vary. The end result (Like many NAP's) is a temporary refreshment in energy. These types of NAP's also have been known to exist on park benches, laps and even the maintenance rooms of Burger Kings.

The Kinetic Wellspring in Cars or "KWIC" NAP is also quite common. Subjects are most often found laying across the back seats of Volvos or with their feet jammed onto the dashboard of old Subaru's resting their head on the passenger seat snoozing and sweating. Interestingly enough, although quite uncomfortable it can be very refreshing. It has been heard a good one hour "KWIC" NAP can sometimes provide an additional seven hours of productive waking time.

Now one of the rarest seen is the Primary Overdrive With Effective Recuperation or "POWER" NAP. This type of NAP usually lasts no more than ninety seconds. It is signifigant as it often yields results such as bursts of creativity and shouting of the word "Eureka!" while also providing approximately sixty boosts in activity. These are quite common in Software and IT Professionals working late night disaster recovery sessions.

Hopefully this quick tutorial will aid you in your efforts.

This message will self destruct in 5...4...3...2...

BORED!

Yup. I'm stuck in a parking lot. Nowhere to go nothing to do. Too early to get into anything, read all my e-mails, drew moustaches on all the pictures in the paper B-O-R-E-D!!!

What can I do to kill the time? What do you do?

Ok let's eliminate all the "normal" stuff. I've already cleaned, washed, organized, categorized and did a complete structural re-alignment of my car.

I sat down with a bottle of cleaning fluid and enough paper towels to choke a horse (Not that I feed dirty paper towels to horses to know that!) and detailed every nook and cranny.

I've already dug for all the buried treasure in my car. It has turned up $2.53, a wad of coupons for the local gas bar and a slightly disgruntled "Gummy Worm." At least I think it's a Gummy Worm.

Nope. Just a poor (and now very grateful) Garter Snake that was trapped under my passenger seat.

I've played every game on my laptop, organized all my calendar appointments, re-arranged my laptop desktop into a "Feng Shui" and optimized it to run as a Commodore 64.

I've examined and replaced every conceivable lightbulb in the car (including a few the manufacturer forgot to wire in)

I've gone exploring about the local plaza and discovered the amazing local habitats. Did you know a full-sized adult racoon can look amazingly like a woman's hat? Neither did I!

So I'm out of options at this point. Any thoughts?

I was going to try and construct a little playhouse out of coffee cups, but the raccoon ran off with them... :(