I am tired.

So tired.

That server last night.

What are the odds of a brand new Intel server blowing up?   With a new APC UPS to protect it?  A power surge between the two.  With the original server dead, what was I to do?

Bring the old sucker back online while the parts came in for the new and keep the client happy.

What are the odds of all this going on you say?

In my world?  Pretty damn good.

Let me tell you my story.  I am an IT Pro.  My job like many of you in my field, is to do whatever is required whenever it is required.  

Each day we need to solve the simple miracles and pull the humongous rabbit out of the hat.  Whether we can or cannot.

Some days you win, some days you lose.  Most days you win.  And if you're good at it, your hours can really suck.

But it does have it's days where it's interesting.  It's always challenging.  It certainly never gets boring.  

And it's a dog eat dog world out there too where your competition is always to undercut you and lie about their skills.    Of course you get to hear people cry to you later on about how that guy ran the network so badly afterwards.

But all you can do is hold back your opinion of the other company.  You do because that is unprofessional.  No matter how much you want to say it.

There are days when the check is great and you can treat the family out well.

There are days when you're scraping money together so badly you wonder if you'll ever see the light of day.

You're fighting the taxman and the bills as often as you're battling servers and workstations.

You argue with customers and the boss about payment sometimes stare at that old bottle for comfort.

There is joy in the field, there is stress.  There are nightmares I would not wish on my worst enemy.

But with all this going about.   Would I quit?  Would I give up ANY of this for a more stress free job?

HELL NO!  I am an IT PRO!  I take the WORLD on my back!  I put out FIRES with little thanks just to keep it all running the next day.    I undo network problems, solve situations created by idiots, patch together the dead to live long enough to provide the long term solution.

I fight viruses and kill malware.   I am the last line of defence in a world of chaos.

Along with my many colleagues in the field, we stand proud.  We stand tall.  IT Pros, Developers, Managers and many of the staff we work with everyday.

We are {HERE}

We are {HEROES}

We are {EVERYWHERE}

Those unspoken masses who work through the night
Doing the deed to end the fight
Plodding along until the light

{HEROES}

Those who answer the angry calls
While terror runs through the halls
And laptops thrown at the walls

{HEROES}

Those who weave amongst the Code
To prevent a dump and overload
To interlink that hidden node

{HEROES}

The managers who deal with the blow
Of the problems that always show
Each day they stand and glow

{HEROES}

The parent with little cash
Rebuilds a system from the trash
To bring a child's eyes that little flash

{HEROES}

And the rest not be forgotten by
Let us stand up hands held high
And shout out clearly to the sky.

WE ARE {HEROES}

and

HEROES HAPPEN {HERE}

There is whispering in the background behind the bushes.

Oh yes.  Crafty whispering.

We find this cold Canadian night, three people in an unusual position.

Three key figures from Microsoft Canada dressed all in Black, darkened eyes and huddling and shivering behind bushes drinking Tim Horton's.  Cursing.

"When's that little pest going to show up.    He'll be late I'll bet you." Mutters Damir.

Looking over to the lot, Ruth and Jean-Luc both confirm. 

"Yep.   Not there.  Little black Tracker you say?"  Jean-luc is shaking.   Should have worn the WARM black stuff tonight.    Black t-shirts just don't cut it in a Canadian winter.  Damn swag.

"Oh yeah.   Just look a beast coated in tie wraps, held together by sheer force of will.    There's probably a 5 inch viewing space for the driver to see out of.  Box of junk really." Damir nodded along shaking away.

And somewhere in the night.   A noise.  A horrible noise.  Rattling banging.   Rumbling as is some ancient beast had rolled out of the gates of Hell itself.

"HIM!" Ruth cursed under her breath. 

Sure enough rumbling, rattling, klunking through the roadways was an Ugly Geo Tracker.      Held together by bits of Duct tape.    Tie wraps holding the fenders down.    Wheels a part of somebody's bad nightmare from a junkyard.

And behind the wheel, a small little madman.  Balder than a cue ball.   Worn Tilley hat on the head.   Shaking like a gerbil with a can of Rockstar.

Ye110wbeard, Sean Kearney, Friday Funny Guy.....Mr. Trouble.   The bane of Microsoft Canada's existence.   A rogue technician not working for them, but in some ways against them.   Hard to control and difficult to keep back from a loaded twitter app.

A general nuisance.   And now a time to deal with this problem.

Damir crouched like a cat ready to pounce.  "Ok everybody.   Careful.... Just wait til he's within sight."

The silly fool wandered out of his little beast, piles of Tim Horton's cups pouring out along with invoices, bits of paper and receipts falling behind him.   Something not quite documented stuck to the back of his leg.   Slamming the car door shut a muffler falls off and part of the back hatch.   Quickly tying it all with bungee cords he ambles towards the entrance.

Closer he moves towards the doorway.  

He doesn't see or hear anything.  He's whistling a goofy tune and juggling some stale Donuts from Krispy Kreme.

Then quickly they leap.  Pounce.  *BLAM*.  Sacks of old NT Server 4 Media combined with plastic "swag bags" covering his head.   He was quickly tied up with a big pile of Cat 6e Lan cable to keep him from struggling.

"THERE!" cried Ruth with glee. "Finally! Some piece and quiet.   And now to really get him under control."

And so the treo hauled in the bound and gagged character into the meeting area for Heroes Happen Hear:  Community Event.    Laid out in front of the stage.   The hood was removed.

The lights hurt his eyes as he stared out at he audience of over three hundred.    What did they have in store.

And then, the circle.   A very large semi circle seemingly composed of most members of Microsoft Canada.   Spotlights came down on each one as they spoke.

"Lord Damir eh?" spake the wise bald one.

"Squirrels in my office?" stared down Ruth.

"N-code?!  N-CODE?!" barked off Jean-Luc.

"Nay little troublemaking one." Damir glowered over him.  For tonight YOU will entertain us. and THEM."

A large crooked hand gestured out to a crowd of hundreds.

Mr. Trouble balked.   Large crowds. No.  No he wouldn't.

It was at that point the Jean-Luc held out "Frankenstein" his beloved laptop.   "We wouldn't want to see your little friend 'formatted' would we?"

Giggles and snarls of glee could be heard without.   And soon in the background that tune began.  The bane of his existence.

"Highway to PowersHell".  

"SING!" they barked in Unison.  "AND DANCE!  DANCE FOR US VILE CREATURE!"

Oh he tried.   But the notes.   No human could hit Audacity modified pitches and speeds.  

And again with the laptop.   A large HERF gun was pointed at Frankenstein.   And as the fingers grazed it's "LAUNCH" button threatening to load mounds of EMP into the poor unit.    That threat was enough.  Mr. Trouble shrieked.   

"...I'm using POWERSHELL!!!...." Notes so shrill it would make a banshee cry for mercy.

"...I'm using POWERSHELL!!!..." A sound Satan himself would run from.

And then the dancing.   Faster.   Faster!  FASTER!!!

The crowd shrieked with joy as the madman ran about.   The built up coffee from years of abuse released itself.

The Lords of Microsoft grinned evilly.  Revenge was at last theirs.

Until.  (What you didn't think a Friday Funny would not involve an UNTIL with Mr. Trouble involved?)

It didn't dawn on Anybody some common pieces to Mr. Trouble.

The Bald head (like Damir)

The Tilley hat (like Rick)

but did anybody bother to look down at his feet?!

Nope.   A mistake there.   They were moving fast.  Damn fast.  Fast enough for friction.  Friction produces heat.   Which produces......

"SMOKE!" Cried out Ruth "There's SMOKE from his feet!"

Sure enough.   All that dancing combined with one item he had snagged from eBay.  

A pair of flaming shoes like Rodney.    Flaming shoes.  Funny thing is Rodney doesn't dance like a madman on Rockstar.   Bet those shoes were never tested for.....

"FIRE!" screamed hundreds as they scrambled for cover and Mr. Trouble's frantic skipping and dancing running created a small but powerful bonfire.   Smelt funny too.  Smelt like burning plastic.   Plastic from...

"THE SERVERS!" shrieked Rick and Rodney practicing their keynotes in the back area.  They leapt to action.

Rick quickly picked up Rodney and began using him to douse the flames, beating him down on the maw like an old mat.    John and Barnaby grabbed the nearest set of MVP's and began bashing down doors to clear a pathway for themselves using the MVP's as battering rams.   Christian and the rest of the Developers grabbed as many leftover laptops to resell in the parking lot to their unlucky owners.    President Phil hopped into his Emergency Escape pod for just such occasions.  (What YOU don't have one of these?)

And in all of this confusing and chaos and bad plot twists stood Mr. Trouble.   Suddenly realizing others were now leaving he did too.

Bring the trail of flaming fire with him.

MORE SCREAMS!

"AIAGHGHGH!  He's on fire!  Run!"

"AIAHGIHA!! He's still got a laptop!  RUN!"

"HE'S STILL SINGING!!! RUUUUNNNNN!!!"

And so the greatest stampede ever proceeded.  One so great, it would pay homage to the Who concert's of the 80's.

Doors shattered, bushes trampled, cars flipped.   Tim Horton's was set ablaze throughout the night.

They would speak of that day many years later.   The songs that were written by the many that survived.   All agreed on one thing.

"They should have got us William Shatner that year, better dancer too...."

Use the "Rawhide" theme song as the music.  Sing or grumble or do this while drunk.

Your choice

Encoding!

Encoding, coding, coding
The time it is forboding
Keep that video rolling, ENCODE!
Don't follow that silly Rickster
or Christian that nasty Trickster
on Twitter for time is rolling on high
Those Quadcores are a moving
Their might it is a proving,
proving that the price was right!

Code it up, Dump it out
Save it now, Back it up
Do it now, do it fast, ENCODE!
Burn your disk, right away
Dupe it up, stop your play
Move it out, to that disk, ENCODE!

Get going going going
The event it needs a showing
Those demos need a prepping, ENCODE!
Just get yer ass a moving
There's no time to be proving
yourself on Rockband now, ENCODE!
Get prepped and pruned and Ready
No time to go to Beddy
STOP READING THIS SONG NOW ENCODE!

Code it up, Dump it out
Save it now, Back it up
Do it now, do it fast, ENCODE!
Burn your disk, right away
Dupe it up, stop your play
Move it out, to that disk, ENCODE!

ENCODE!
ENCODE!

Sing this to "Living After Midnight" - Judas Priest.  I can't sing.  I can barely write... :)

Coding up 'til midnight, debugging 'til the dawn
Released in the morning, and it runs, watch it run

Each night I develop an app, CODING!  CODING!
Almost dozed off boss gave me a slap, CODING! CODING!
I'll code in C Sharp and VBA too
Even in COBOL just for you!

Coding up 'til midnight, debugging 'til the dawn
Released in the morning, and it runs, watch it run

Got shells and scripts and libraries too, CODING! CODING!
Resources keeping my brain unglued, CODING! CODING!
My keyboard blew late last week
From overuse, I'm such a FREAK!

Coding up 'til midnight, debugging 'til the dawn
Released in the morning, and it runs, watch it run

I'm coding for ya
I'll Speak Octal for ya
I'm doin' Pascal
Singin my song!

I went off the deep end now, CODING! CODING!
Machine coding for fun and how, CODING! CODING!
Can't hear from any old friend
Binary talk and I'm at the end.

Coding up 'til midnight, debugging 'til the dawn
Released in the morning, and it runs, watch it run
Coding up 'til midnight, debugging 'til the dawn
Released in the morning, and it runs, watch it run

These are thoughts that came to me one day de-fragging an Exchange database.

It also involved a few too many Twitters.   But for all.  Learn.

Obiwan speaking to Luke using the wrong utensil on soup. "Use the fork wisely."

Yoda to Luke. "You must learn the ways of the fork if you are to come with me to lunch."

Obiwan after a bizarre silverware accident. "The fork binds us."

Obiwan poking Stormtroopers. "The fork can be strong on the week rumped."

Luke after he tripped and hit Leia with silverware. "The fork is in my sister."

Obiwan looking at rusty tableware. "You must avoid the DARK side of the fork."

Yoda threatening a mugger. "The fork is a POWERFUL ally."

Luke hearing the doctor after his eating got too 'ambitious'. "The fork will be with you... always."

Yoda as he is eating a steak. "The fork is strong in this one."

Sayings heard at the Tatooine Cantina. "Luke. Use the fork Luke!"

and finally commenting on Anakin's filthy table habits. "Vader likes the dark side of the fork."

All all out there.  Be cautious with thy Twitters.   One is fun.  One hundred is dangerous... :)

Well I usually crack jokes and try to make light of things.

And as always I will.  But I've got to make light of some of the Die Hard Blackberry users.

It's a PHONE!  That's all it is!  And for a time it WAS unique.

But I'm sorry.   There are a lot of alternate Smartphones out there that work the same.   You can give all the Blackberry hype you want.

But when a SINGLE POINT OF FAILURE can knock out all Blackberries world wide or even a continent, you have to sit back and say to yourself, "Why? Why keep bothering?"

Granted, there are advantages to some with the "look and feel".  But other devices, notably Symbian units do the same, and in some ways better.

Many of these devices (Notably Mobile 5/6) have a direct Push technology that works in the same manner as a Blackberry without the tie down to the RIM network.

Let's just say you don't LIKE Mobile 5/6 for whatever your personal reasons.  Microsoft licensed out the ActiveSync Push technology.   Palm, Symbian and Mobile5/6 all use this push technology.   Some even have inexpensive add on apps to give it the capability.

I will not knock RIM as a company.   To have done what they did, home grown and Canadian is ASTOUNDING!  But I think the word "redundancy" needs to be addressed.   Or possibly RIM needs to look at how these units are networked.

Because a Single point of failure for an entire planet is Just a bit much.

Until that is addressed, alternate options should be examined.

Hey everybody! I'm an IT Professional. 

I'd like to introduce you all to my little friend.  My car.

My car and I are having a little dispute.   It seems it thinks I don't keep it clean.  The nerve!

I mean if you looked inside you mind think it to be a little cluttered.   I guess.

It all started yesterday morning.   I went to get my laptop out of the car and dropped my SmartPhone.   My car just sat there laughing at me.

I mean a SmartPhone on a floor.  That's that a hard thing to do.   Only had to move a few things out of the way. 

So I opened the back hatch to pull out the six foot ladder and two or three boxes of cable.  Shifted two or three (was it four?) computers onto the ground.   I thought that would be it.

Then I looked at the floor.  OR more CORRECTLY where the floor should be.  And then I began to moved aside the cups, and the wrappers, and the french fries.

A&W, Harvey's, McDonalds, Burger King.   Krispy Kreme, Tim Hortons, Coffee Time.   I think I found just about EVERY MAJOR fast food restaurant there.

Then deeper.  DEEPER into the maw.

I began calling the SmartPhone off my cordless.  It cried back but nowhere could it be found.    It had fallen into the pit of despair.   Yes.   Under the seat somewhere.

Under the Canadian Tire money, coupons, napkins and old straws.    Somewhere beyond an old copy of the "Sun" and behind a box of "Timbits" that had been long forgotten was my poor friend the SmartPhone.

The Car sat there unhelpful and snickering at my situation.   Cars are not very helpful when seeking out lost SmartPhones.

As I went to reach underneat a loose 12volt power wire leapt out and bit me.   The Car roared with laughter by this point.

I reached for the prybar to threaten the car back into submission.  But it didn't care.   It was a car and had my SmartPhone held hostage.  Evil creature that it was.

And so I ventured further into the jungle that was under the seat, all the time hearing my SmartPhone crying out for me.   And then for a moment, for a BRIEF moment I thought I had pulled it out.   Pulled my little friend the SmartPhone to freedom.   But alas.  It was an old Mars bar that somehow survived the stand of time.   It was at that point I knew I was in trouble.

Yes.

The SmartPhone had fallen into the most vile and dangerous areas of an IT Professionals car.   The one spot MOST cluttered and muckered over.  The spot only useful for sitting laptops on and doing invoices and presentations.

The passenger seat.

It was then I knew things were about to get serious.

So further into the darkness my hands roamed.  Attacked and accosted by old candies, bit's of oil and some surprisingly full coffee cups.   Full of what nobody could tell but it was definitely not any type of safe substance.

Past years of neglected newpapers, old lan cables, disused connectors to equipment long gone.    The SmartPhone's cries were getting weaker now as the battery level lowered.   And soon I spotted her.   In the most difficult of all spots it was stuck.

Down the side of the seat.  Where NO HUMAN could possibly reach.  And so a difficult choice.  My car or my SmartPhone.

Thinking... car or SmartPhone.... what a choice.

So off to the house I went getting some handy ratchets and sockets to remove the seat.   Possibly a torch if necessary.   For my Smartphone was NOT about to become the "Snack of the Day" for my car.  NO Siree!

And so a few minutes later, the car sat there in agony now short a passenger seat, removed like a bad wisdom tooth.

I sat there cradling my poor SmartPhone wagging a finger at the evil car.

Then a small problem.   How to deal with this mess.

Would YOU want to put all this back in your car?  I certainly wouldn't.

And so the most simplest solution of all presented itself.

I had a yard sale.

What are the Hardware requirements to be able to install and use the Windows hypervisor based virtualization solution called Hyper-V?

Well duh!  I think you need a computer.   That was a hard one.  C'mon Rick.  Let's see some tricky ones.

Network Access Protection (NAP) is a platform to perform computer health policy enforcement exclusively at logon for Windows Vista. It requires an upgrade of all your domain controllers to Windows Server 2008 and be operating in Server 2008 Native Mode.

Ahhh. Him and these darn tricky answers.  First you forgot.  In order to actually USE NAP you need a NETWORK attached to that COMPUTER from the previous answer.   "Operating System"... "Features"... What a load of malarky!

Which of the following applications are installed with a Windows Server 2008 Core installation - choose all that apply.?

Well I hate to tell you but the only stuff in a Core is seeds, stems and maybe a bit of rind.   I have no clue what THIS has to do with computers.  NEXT!

Terminal Services in Windows Server 2008 includes a feature which allows the program appear as if it is running on the client desktop.

OH!  OH!   I know this one!  It's called.... A MONITOR!

Windows Server 2008 uses the 'Initial Configuration Tasks' window to configure the most common administrative tasks associated with a new server setup. It also allows administrators to configure roles (primary functions) and features (supporting functions) to simplify the setup and deployment of new servers in a secure fashion.

No it doesn't.  What it does it distract you while it unloads your ram and turns the computer back into a "Core" version.   Shame on you sneaky Microsoft Technet guys.

Windows Server 2008 introduces the ability to have fine grained password policies that can be applied to users and groups within the active directory domain.

Well sure.   Depends on the grain of course.  I prefer bran and wheat mixed into my passwords.   Goes well with a big bowl of beer.   Another good grain based product.

A Read Only Domain Controller is a new type of domain controller in the Windows Server 2008 Operating system. They are deployed in environments like branch offices where physical security cannot be guaranteed. Which is not one of the installation requirements for deploying an RODC?

Well one of the requirements NOT required is an "invisible computer".   They're just not very helpful.   I tried.

IIS 7 provides developers and administrators with a unified configuration system for storing all IIS and ASP.NET settings inside a single XML format file. This allows for a true xcopy deploy of websites and their configuration settings between IIS servers and web administrators

Huh.   I'll bet they're lying.  You could do that with a photocopier I'll bet.  Yup yup.  Quicker too.  

What is the command you run to list the roles and their install status on a 2008 Server core computer?

"Open oven.  Pull out tray.   Examine roles..."  Oh sorry.  I was reading a Betty Crocker manual before this.

In order to load the Hyper-V role on a 2008 Server Core computer you must first run the following command:

"SHAZAM!"

To Tweet or not to Tweet; That is the Question
Whether tis nobler to dump the mind to others
letting random thoughts flow thoughout the web
Or to hold by thy arms against a sea of strokes;
and by withholding them?  Quiet. Some peace.
Silence.   And by the silence we say endeth
the hammering of others, a thousand notifies out
that is the err of human.  Tis an abbomincation
never to be wanted.  To pause, to think;
And to think, re-examine the thought; before to post
What within that time the post should not be?
What would be of it?  For the thought, tho not twittered
would still be.   But not posting may yet lose
the thought to time and it's shortened life.
For who could bear the tweets and chirps of him
who could not holdeth back the simplest of thoughts
The notifies which floweth though the day
Which breaketh into life and meetings thus.
The patient may bear the onslaught for a time
pressing the muteth button more than naught
allowingest the thought to flow and live
yet crushing others within it's path
But the dread of the twitter who naught
in letter the thought fly; the pause to think;
may yet cause pain to his own self.
Yet to bear the pain and withold strife
And not let fly to others and thus bring peace.
Tis that not a thought itself that could be?
But should that thought let fly and be the
death of itself and it's desires.
And enterprises of others to feel the thought
and smasheth thy phones in response to the
blast it bring forth.  Mute ye pest.
Back to the denizens from whence ye came
Chooseth an alternate account and sinneth no more